Kimonos and pregnancy

Good morning and hi. I am just getting my head cleared. Here's the thing about pregnancy, I feel like someone is inside me, but they are poisonous to the rest of me.I am fatter and super super bloated. I actually had a dream last night that I was wearing some old world Japanese ceremonial robe and begging my friend if I could wear it to her wedding because it was the only thing I had that would fit. And I'm not even showing yet! Or if I am I can't tell, I've developed an insulation layer and with the bloating, my true shape is anyone's guess.

Never thought I'd be the person all negative and complainy about pregnancy. I mean, if I was ever going to be pregnant that meant I was damn sure I wanted to be and thus I was going to appreciate all the little things, and I was going to take care of myself, unlike those people so I probably wouldn't even feel bad.

meh. *spits on the ground* For once in my life I feel out of control of how I am. Deep deep -deeeep deep down- I noticed that I kinda felt like you got what you really wanted. I'm naturally of average height, have an eye color I'm satisfied with, average size feet. Body type that's ok, I have to stay on top of it but I'm naturally small. As a kid in school we had a boy classmate who was so small, always very short and just small and I remember catching myself saying "why didn't he want to be bigger bad enough?" I knew it was stupid, but some part of me had this "If you want it bad enough...." To back this theory up I SWEAR -no one remembers this- I had blue eyes like my dad but wanted green eyes like my mom. BAD. It was pretty big on my mind. I was about 5 then and made a mental note to look into colored contacts, and if they were not invented yet, then to invent them. Eventually, my eyes turned green. Not as green as my moms, they still look blue sometimes, but a definite switch. *So* you can't blame my forming mind for coming and holding to that conclusion. But now pregnancy has shown me it doesn't matter what you think you will have, expect or what you want, no matter how bad you want it, thus be grateful for all that stuff you like about yourself, you didn't get it by will power and you can't control hardly anything.